Weekend di kampung and how to show that you care

Gambar ulangan.

Alhamdulillah, pagi Sabtu balik ke Tampin sekejap. Cekpen dah rindu kampung. Sebelum ni sebulan sekali mesti balik, paling lewat pun 2 bulan sekali, sekarang takde sapa kat rumah pusaka tu so jaranglah balik. Boleh baca kesedihan cekpen kat sini. Luar rumah terjaga elok, macam masa Atuk and uwan ada. But kat dalam rumah memanglah berbeza. Unlike me, cekpen memang lahir dan membesar kat rumah ni, so of cos the sadness tu sangat mendalam. I don't mind balik kampung ni semalam dua even nobody at home but its all depends on cekpen.  

Then sambung perjalanan balik ke Pontian. I grew up here but was born kat rumah lain. Rumah yg sekarang my eldest brother duduk, sebelah kampung ni, is where i was born. I start duduk asrama masa Form 1. From then on, i was a bit distance with mak. I dunno why, padahal sebelum tu mmg sampai darjah 6 tidur bawah ketiak. But memang in our family we don't show much love. We are very simple, from house, what we wear, what we eat, everything seadanya saja. And of cos we are not 'orang senang'. It seems like we tak kisah sangat but in actual no. We do care each other, its just how we live our life mmg macam tu. A phone call to my mom mmg i jarang buat. Orang lain mmg akan selalu call kan. For example cekpen, he never failed to call kampung every week. Now he still called abah every now n then. But me sebulan sekali tu paling kerap.

But in recent event, i start to change. I try my best to change. Called mak kat kampung, which i hardly do before. When mak was around in november and december last year (bunyi macam dah lama kan, padahal baru je sebulan), my kids don't really welcome her. I am saddened with that. They were saying things like "when maktok want to go home?", "why maktok stay here too long?"" I don't want maktok here". Can you imagine how i feel when i'm old, and my cucu's say such things? (kalau panjang umur sempat dapat cucu =B)

They don't mind maktok datang sekali sekala, but they are not comfortable when maktok stay longer. I don't want my kids to feel that way  and doesn't know how to show their respect. I want my kids to appreciate, respect, love everyone especially the elderly. I don't want to raise my kids that growing up only think what they want, what interest them only. I am not a good writer, i don't know how to put it nicely here, but there's so much more i wanted to tell.* Sigh...*

I just had breakfast with mak. She finished a bowl of porridge and 2 cube of nasi impit. She tried the kuah lodeh, but she said its too spicy. There's no chilies or pepper in it but i guess her taste bud dah become more sensitive. Even the same milk (enercal) yg i bring from kampung, which she had every morning, she said its too sweet. No sugar added.

Last nite, she also had a bowl of porride and nasi sesenduk. Oh i put few pieces grilled chicken jugak and dia makan. Not bad huh, cos kat kampung she only had porridge, vege soup and fish je. And another good progress is she eat by herself. Kat kampung terpaksa suap cos if not mmg tak habis makan. Even ambik tisu lap, then wipe her mouth pun i let her do. I want her to move her hand and fingers.

 She also go to the toilet herself, for shower and others. Kat kampung they have to help her, push her on the wheelchair. Her mind keeps wondering around sampaikan she keep on forgetting apa yg dia nak buat.  I just want her to be mobile around the house ni, so that her muscle can exercise a bit. I don't push her much. Just tell her to come to the dining table or seat at the sofa, put up her legs and so on. Then i let her do it by herself. Alhamdulillah as now, she passed my test, her motor test.

The challenging part is her mind, her emotion. Yang ni frankly i dunno what to do. She's delusional, thinking that semua orang marah kat dia. Now that's she's here, she thought cekpen marah kat dia. Sigh. Not only cekpen, even budak2 ni bising2 main pun she thought budak2 marah dia. She feel ashamed of herself. She tak boleh sembahyang properly or tak sembahyang langsung. Nak kata nyanyuk i think boleh dikategorikan macam tu lah. Tengah sembahyang dia boleh lupa toleh sana sini, termenung and so on. She keeps on mumbling nonsense macam "mak susahkan orang", mak malu, mak tak boleh buat apa2, badan mak tak sedap".

Ni baru je she said " kalau nak hantar mak balik pontian jauh pulak, macam tak sedap rasanya ni", referring to her body. So i told her to stay a little bit longer, and promised to send her back after CNY.  Last time, she had this problem, she recuperate kat my sis house for few month. So this Friday am going to send her there for  3 days as we won't be around this CNY. If she insist nak balik then i hantarlah dia balik after that.

Cekpen pun stressed cos he's scared to do anything. Scared that apa2 action dia, mak misinterprate. Even nak bangun from the chair after dinner pun dia takut. Well cekpen pun macam i, we don't know how to show that we care, how to belai2 talk softly pujuk2, we are 'keras' like that. And at this moment what mak really need is someone who can 'talk' to her, someone yg boleh yakinkan dia, someone yg she would listen too. Somehow, that someone not that 'free' at this moment and already told mak that she cannot take care of her. All of us in the family feel very sad. We are more than willing to take care of mak but, mak actually want someone else, someone special in her heart, someone that she missed terribly when she's in depression. We all knew but we cannot do anything about it, its really sad. I just hope and doa mak can recover as soon as possible, having said that, we redha if its takes longer. We just hope we are not letting her down, thats all. we loved her just like everyone else love their parents. Semoga Allah permudahkan perjalanan hidup mak and also Abah Tampin, may Allah blessed us all.