Thursday, March 31, 2011

Praying for miracles....

Today doctor manage to feel Sarah's abdomen. He confirmed again that he can't feel the tumor or the harden liver. Yeaaay! But anyhow, scan still need to be done to confirm the tumor, liver and lymph actual conditions.

He will discuss with the peads surgeon (Prof Ramajunam) later about Sarah case.

Doctor has always asked us to remain positive but at the same time not to expect too much. He is so right. Remember AFP ? Well, i was kinda putting too high hope that it will be single digit before we started the 4th chemo but I was wrong.

I was hoping for miracle actually....well...ideal case...if

AFP =0,

no tumor residue,

liver fully recovered


Then we love happily ever after....T___T

Ok..wake-up wake-up.........I need to be more realistic and of course pray to Allah so that we can go through this journey till the end...and live happily ever after again...T_T

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Dah sampai masa?

Doc Lin talk to the nurse: I want to have the scan done.

Doc Lin talk to me : After this cycle, we going to remove the tumor, and I am going to refer her to UH. I knew a very good surgeon for her.

Me : ok (blurry)



Dah nak operate ke?

Lepas habis kimo ni?

Dah cukup kecil ke tumor tu?

Yg metastasis kat liver dgn lymph tu pun nak kena remove ke?

Lepas surgery tu nanti kulit kena plaster, she's allergy to that so ada cara lain ke? If not rashes nnt jadik lagi teruk macam mana?

Now the best time to remove based on what? Tumor size? AFP reading?

How her general health? Strong or healthy enough to undergo surgery?

Recovery time berapa lama?

Complication chances macam mana?

Apa nama surgeon tu?

Lepas surgery nak kena kimo lagi ke? Apa medical plan dia?

Banyak ke ubat nak kena makan ?

Berapa lama lepas surgery baru boleh discharge?

My oh my.......

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Susah sangat ke?

So..another video. What the heck?

Susah sangat ke nak convicted kan Anwar? I mean, after all this years?

Takkan tak cukup2 lagi bukti? He was not in power, but until now one after another things came up but he still standing there. Ke memang tak salah?!

If he's really that everyone else *read politician*.....and take another 22 years or until he put him down...well, we all should pray harder.

Pray hard so that all these rotten politician died of heart attack or whatever disease, and hopefully those that are genuinely work for the people get the chance to do it.

Okay silap, tak baik doakan yg buruk2. Okay, lets pray harder so that all these rotten politician diberikan hidayah oleh Allah , lalu insaf dan bertaubat, meletak jawatan dan beribadah banyak2.

Oh juga doa supaya ada pemimpin Islam yg menggantikan mereka, pemimpin yg benar2 layak ye, bukan sebab bapak ko dulu Perdana Menteri.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tooth Fairy....

My top right wisdom tooth keep giving me pain lately. My mouth is rather small (doc says), so it's quite difficult to reach there during brushing. So it started to decay and i can feel pain after eating.

End of last year I already had my top left wisdom tooth extracted. So yesterday I went again to get the right side extracted pulak. So now I cacat...sort of... lack of 2 teeth..well actually 5. The other 3 never turn up...hidden somewhere inside my gum.

When i was small, i would have created thousands excuses not to go to see the tooth fairy dentist. Now, dah tua....sakit..cabut sajaaaa...
Anyway, this is the best dentist ever, well ...out of 3 dentist in Puchong that i had their service before.
No pain at all during extraction or scalling or filling. She even advised me not to proceed with crawning (eh dokter tak nak duit ke)...well not until Sarah sihat .
Thanks doc.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Cleaning cooking awayyy

I have this whole week to:-

1) clean the house, arrange everything so that by the time i come back from hospital, probably sometime on the 3rd of April, the mess is bearable.

2) cook extra food to bring to hospital next monday, if not, i would vomit blood if i force myself to eat the healthy hospital food again..yucks!

3) make a list of things that Sarah needs at the hospital.

before she blame me for hundred million times and chanting non stop

"you forget, mother! why you forget!uwaaaaaaa!!!!"

4) make a list of things I need to bring to hospital such as CILI API EXTRA PEDAS, sabun cuci pinggan, PINGGAN PLASTIK, microwave reheatable bowl etc.

5) Grocerries check list and that cekpen don't have to run around like 'lipas kudung' next week.

6) Buy another songkok for darwish..songkok hilang ..sigh!

What else????

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Kamus tatabahasa Sarah

Sekarang mama kena faham banyak maksud tersirat kata-kata Sarah. Kadang apa yg dia nak berlawanan dengan apa yg dia sebut. Mama tahu, orang lain memang tak boleh jaga Sarah, nanti tak faham, Sarah frustrated. Even bibik pun dah banyak yg dia tak faham apa Sarah nak.

Ni contoh maksud tersirat:

1) Put some more water

- sila rebus air/ boiled water.

- sila buat ais kiub.

2) Nasi too hot

- nasi kat pinggan ni dah sejuk, sarah nak nasi baru dari periuk..yg panas.

3) I want air teh

- sarah nak minum teh-o panas, sarah nak letak gula sendiri, lepas tu letak satu ketul ais kiub.

4) I want water

- Sarah nak air tin crysantimum tea. (Dulu dia panggil air ni 'minum')

5) I want drink

- Sarah nak minum vitagen kaler purple.

6) I want nasi giant.

- Sarah nak makan nasi ayam yg jual kat food court giant bandar kinrara.

7) You forget kakak.

- kenapa mama tak ambik kakak bawak balik rumah? (kakak=bibik)

8) Water finish, go home now.

- bila drip dan ubat2 habis, nanti bawak sarah balik rumah .( refer to hospital)

9) I want nasi sup pedas. (yg ni paling pening sbb too general)

- Sarah nak makan nasi dengan [asam pedas, gulai lemak cili api, sup tomyam, sup putih, kari, etc]..pengsan nak kena try satu2.

10) I want nasi sup pedas some more...

- (pening, sbb not necessary yg dia makan meal before that, it could be any sup pedas tah bila2).

11) Fish too small

- taknak makan ikan/ ayam dalam cubitan yg besar..nak cubit kecik2.

12) I don't want soton

- taknak bawang2/daun2/semak2 dlm sup.

13) Where's my towel?

- mana selimut sarah?

14) Water too hot.

- air ni sejuk, sarah nak mandi air panas.

15) I want to do

- Sarah nak tolong letak gula/ sukat beras/ tumbuk cili etc.

Ada banyak lagi ..... agak2 ada ke orang lain leh faham?

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Around the world news

Macam-macam berlaku kat dunia ni....dari facebook jadi rusuhan, pemimpin2 letak jawatan di middle east, si Gadaffi (keturunan yahudi rupanya)dan bodigad pompuannya, pastu perang kristian islam, sampailah tsunami kat chile n Jepun....terasa begitu dinamik nya bumi Allah ni.

Tapi kan..tapi kan...aku tak check-out lagi dari SDMC dari 1/3 2011...

Takpe-takpe..Insyaallah isnin boleh cek-out...takpe rush...takde tsunami ..takpe..takpe...i can wait...we can long as Sarah free from germs n viruses.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Germ Cell Tumor - Yolk Sac Tumor

Finally i found the best site describing Sarah's Cancer (highlighted in orange).
Taken from here

What are germ cell tumors?

Germ cell tumors are malignant (cancerous) or non-malignant (benign, non-cancerous) tumors that are comprised mostly of germ cells. Germ cells are the cells that develop in the embryo (fetus, or unborn baby) and become the cells that make up the reproductive system in males and females. These germ cell follow a midline path through the body after development and descend into the pelvis as ovarian cells or into the scrotal sac as testicular cells. Most ovarian tumors and testicular tumors are of germ cell origin. The ovaries and testes are called gonads.

Tumor sites outside the gonad are called extragonadal sites. The tumors also occur along the midline path and can be found in the head, chest, abdomen, pelvis, and sacrococcygeal (lower back) area.

Germ cell tumors are rare, as only about 2.4 children in one million will develop one of these tumors in a given year. Germ cell tumors account for 4 percent of all cancers in children and adolescents under the age of 20 years.

Germ cell tumors can spread (metastasize) to other parts of the body. The most common sites for metastasis are the lungs, liver, lymph nodes, and central nervous system. Rarely, germ cell tumors can spread to the bone, bone marrow, and other organs.

What causes germ cell tumors?

The cause of germ cell tumors is not completely understood. A number of inherited defects have also been associated with an increased risk of developing germ cell tumors including the central nervous system and genitourinary tract malformations and major malformations of the lower spine. Specifically, males with cryptorchidism (failure of the testes to descend into the scrotal sac) have an increased risk to develop testicular germ cell tumors. Cryptorchidism can occur alone, however, and is also present in some genetic syndromes.

In addition, cells from testicular germ cell tumors can have structural chromosome abnormalities involving chromosome #12, which may explain the uncontrolled cell growth and tumor formation.

Some genetic syndromes caused by extra or missing sex chromosomes can cause incomplete or abnormal development of the reproductive system.

What are the symptoms of germ cell tumors?

The following are the most common symptoms of germ cell tumors. However, each child may experience symptoms differently. Symptoms vary depending on the size and location of the tumor. Symptoms may include:

•a tumor, swelling, or mass that can be felt or seen

•elevated levels of alpha-fetoprotein (AFP)

•elevated levels of beta-human chorionic gonadotropin (β-HCG)

•constipation, incontinence, and leg weakness can occur if the tumor is in the sacrum (a segment of the vertebral column that forms the top part of the pelvis) compressing structures

•abnormal shape, or irregularity in, testicular size

The symptoms of germ cell tumors may resemble other conditions or medical problems. Always consult your child's physician for a diagnosis.

How are germ cell tumors diagnosed?

In addition to a complete medical history and physical examination, diagnostic procedures for germ cell tumors may include:

biopsy - a sample of tissue is removed from the tumor and examined under a microscope.

complete blood count (CBC) - a measurement of size, number, and maturity of different blood cells in a specific volume of blood.

•additional blood tests - may include blood chemistries, evaluation of liver and kidney functions, and genetic studies.

•multiple imaging studies, including:

computed tomography scan (Also called a CT or CAT scan.) - a diagnostic imaging procedure that uses a combination of x-rays and computer technology to produce cross-sectional images (often called slices), both horizontally and vertically, of the body. A CT scan shows detailed images of any part of the body, including the bones, muscles, fat, and organs. CT scans are more detailed than general x-rays.

◦magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) - a diagnostic procedure that uses a combination of large magnets, radiofrequencies, and a computer to produce detailed images of organs and structures within the body.

◦x-ray - a diagnostic test which uses invisible electromagnetic energy beams to produce images of internal tissues, bones, and organs onto film.

ultrasound (Also called sonography.) -a diagnostic imaging technique which uses high-frequency sound waves and a computer to create images of blood vessels, tissues, and organs. Ultrasounds are used to view internal organs as they function, and to assess blood flow through various vessels.

bone scans - pictures or x-rays taken of the bone after a dye has been injected that is absorbed by bone tissue. These are used to detect tumors and bone abnormalities.

What are the different types of germ cells?

Diagnosis of germ cell tumors depends on the types of cells involved. The most common types of germ cell tumors include:

Teratomas contain cells from the three germ layers: ectoderm, mesoderm, and endoderm. Teratomas can be malignant or benign, depending on the maturity and other types of cells that may be involved. Teratomas are the most common germ cell tumor found in the ovaries. Sacrococcygeal (tail bone, or distal end of spinal column) teratomas are the most common germ cell tumors found in childhood. Because these sacrococcygeal tumors are often visible from the outside of the body, diagnosis is made early and treatment and/or surgery are initiated early, making the prognosis for this type of germ cell tumor very favorable.

Germinomas are malignant germ cell tumors. Germinomas are also termed dysgerminoma when located in the ovaries; and seminoma when located in the testes. Among children, germinoma, or dysgerminoma, occurs most frequently in the ovary of a pre-pubescent or adolescent female. Dysgerminoma is the most common malignant ovarian germ cell tumor seen in children and adolescents.

endodermal sinus tumor or yolk sac tumors
Endodermal sinus tumor or yolk sac tumors are germ cell tumors that are most often malignant, but may also be benign. These tumors are most commonly found in the ovary, testes, and sacrococcygeal areas (tail bone, or distal end of spinal column). When found in the ovaries and testes, they are often very aggressive, malignant, and can spread rapidly through the lymphatic system and other organs in the body. Yolk sac tumors are the most common malignant testicular and ovarian tumors in children. Most yolk sac tumors will require surgery and chemotherapy, regardless of stage or presence of metastasis, because of the aggressive nature and recurrence of the disease.

Choriocarcinoma is a very rare, but often malignant germ cell tumor that arises from the cells in the chorion layer of the placenta (during pregnancy, a blood-rich structure through which the fetus takes in oxygen, food, and other substances while getting rid of waste products). These cells may form a tumor in the placental cells during pregnancy and spread (metastasize) to the infant and mother. When the tumor develops during pregnancy, it is called gestational choriocarcinoma. Gestational choriocarcinoma most often occurs in pregnant females that are 15 to19 years of age. If a non-pregnant young child develops choriocarcinoma from the chorion cells that originated from the placenta that are still in the body, the term used is non-gestational choriocarcinoma.

•embryonal carcinoma
Embryonal carcinoma cells are malignant cells that are usually mixed with other types of germ cell tumors. They occur most often in the testes. These types of cells have the ability to spread to other parts of the body. When these cells are mixed with an otherwise benign type of tumor (mature teratoma), the presence of embryonal carcinoma cells will cause it to become malignant (cancerous).

Many germ cell tumors have multiple types of cells involved. The diagnosis, treatment, and prognosis are based on the most malignant of the cells present and the majority type of cells that are present.

Treatment for germ cell tumors:

Specific treatment for germ cell tumors will be determined by your child's physician based on:

•your child's age, overall health, and medical history
•extent of the disease
•your child's tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or therapies
•expectations for the course of the disease
•your opinion or preference

Treatment may include (alone or in combination):

surgery (to remove tumor and involved organs)

•bone marrow transplantation
•supportive care (for the effects of treatment)
•hormonal replacement (if necessary)
antibiotics (to prevent/treat infections)
•continuous follow-up care (to determine response to treatment, detect recurrent disease, and manage the late effects of treatment)

Long-term outlook of a child with a germ cell tumor:

Prognosis greatly depends on:

•the extent of the disease.
•the size and location of the tumor.
•presence or absence of metastasis.
•the tumor's response to therapy.
•the age and overall health of your child.
•your child's tolerance of specific medications, procedures, or therapies.
•new developments in treatment.

As with any cancer, prognosis and long-term survival can vary greatly from individual to individual. Prompt medical attention and aggressive therapy are important for the best prognosis. Continuous follow-up care is essential for a child diagnosed with a germ cell tumor. Side effects of radiation and chemotherapy, as well as second malignancies, can occur in survivors of germ cell tumors. New methods are continually being discovered to improve treatment and to decrease side effects.


Arhhh...aku dah taip tapi rasa cam hampeh.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sleeping beauty

Sarah still sleeping......and its more than 14 hours already! Yesterday she started to sleep around 7pm... at 8pm temperature goes up to 39degC. I sponged her with wet towel, she don't even bother to wake up...occasionally she just open her eyes for few second when she wants milk.

I think she just got fed up...frustrated that she still in this very room...tired of nagging and scratching and crying and begging for me to bring her home.

Its really heartbreaking :(

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Beraq 3 jam?!

Ada hal kat laundry so aku keluar dari hospital tadi pukul 10 pagi. Tinggalkan Sarah dgn cekpen yg jaga. Setel urusan laundry terus gi shitibank bayau utang. Lepas tu dalam kepala ingat nak singgah Guardian, carik supply kolagen yg tinggal 3 botol, tp takut lambat sgt kan sbb cekpen call ckp sarah dah bocor dan taknak pakai baju spital, baju dia dah habis.

So balik kemas apa yg patut, ambik stok pampers baju bajan bagai, pack baju daycare utk mina n awish for 1 week. Dah nak kuar rumah cekpen call lagi bgtau sarah tanya mama. Cekpen cakap kat sarah, mama gi berak!

Masa tu 12.30 cecepat hantar stok baju daycare ke taska, n terus ke SDMC. Sms masuk, cekpen kata sarah nak 'pizza mesia' aka roti canai. So gi carik yg kat area sdmc n ss15...hampeh semua takde. Kalau nak pukul 4 petang karang baru ada balik.

Sampai sdmc 1.30...gila berak dari pukul 10 pagi sampai 1.30 tgh hari.

Sekarang still boleh temberang sarah sikit2....cuma tambah bbrp bulan lagi..masak lah.

Btw..bukan sarah je lencun hancing..dgn sofa2 tu sekali basah kuyup...sib baik sofa pvc.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Modified Chicken Pox?!

Have u heard of it?

Hari rabu pagi ada satu red spot kat mata sarah....gatal..dia garu.

Hari rabu petang, red spot kat muka sarah ada dalam 10 biji dan kat kepala ada 5 biji. Kecik2 je. Mula2 keluar merah mcm bintat nyamuk geget ...then subside ....lepas tu kat pipi 4 bijik membesar sikit...yg lelain hilang. Kat kepala ada 3 bijik yg membesar sikit..ada yg tak membesar.

Doctor Ko (attending doc sbb doc lin takde petang rabu tu), she check the red spot and inform me definitely not chicken pox cos chicken pox won't subside. So mama letak calamine je lah.

All the red spot tu takde blister (gelembung air)..tapi after overnight..hari khamis keluar mata tengah dia. Kecik je lah tapi mcm salu kena kat tangan tu...gatal...tapi sarah tak gatal cos dia tak garu pun.

Then Jumaat malam sabtu (last nite), ada red spot baru keluar kat peha kanan....tempat lain takde. Sama macam yg kat kepala ..keluar 5...3 subside..tinggal 2 je.

So, doctor Lin pulak check lagi sekali dan confirm itu bukan rashes biasa sbb demam...itu modified chicken pox. Sebab sarah on kimo, lepas tu on 16/2 doctor ada bagi 'aminoglobin' so chicken pox tu tak rupa chicken pox. Ngerti?

Blood count everything normal except Hb low...jadi ...ini hari ....ada blood transfusion...

lambat lah balik....

Hmm....ambiguous betullah all sarah's sysmtom.

1) Tak selera makan -----> malignan germ cell tumor

2) Demam selsema ------> blood poisoning

3) Red spot ala rashes ---> chicken pox

Hopefully lepas ni no more complication .....aminnnnn.

Have a nice weekend

Enjoy your weekend everyone.






Thursday, March 3, 2011


Credit to pakcik google
Somebody break his promise today. sigh.
Not sure if i can take another bad much coming in a such a short time of 2011.

I'm trying so hard to keep up....yet one after another pulling me down.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sleepless nite

Temperature badan Sarah agak pelik sikit, kepala dia selalu panas tapi badan biasa je, then kaki selalu sejuk. Itu antara effect kimo.

Tapi hari ni, kepala dia panas lain noon badan dah start panas sikit mood pun dah bertukar cranky.

Pukul 4 mintak pegi Giant, so bawak dia pi beli nasi ayam kat food court. Nak masuk Giant tu dia menangis2 cakap dia "TIRED" walhal i dukung dia.

Bila tanya kat mana 'tired' taknak bagitau. Actually i dah faham bila dia cakap 'tired' tu maknanya dia sakit....

Lepas tu singgah pasar tani cos i nak beli ikan and sayur. Sarah stay in the car dgn mina. I parking about 15 meter je dari stall sayur n ikan. Memang tak gi survey stall yg jauh sikit sbb takut tak nampak budak berdua ni kang.

Masa i hantar sayur ke boot kereta, Sarah dah tido sambil duduk. Setel beli ikan, i terus balik walaupun mina merayu-rayu mintak fishball goreng yg cucuk kat lidi tu. Sebabnya stall tu jauhhhhh sangat dari kereta...tak berani la nak tinggalkan derang kan.

Sampai rumah i ambik temperature dah 38...hidung dia start sumbat. Dah mula upset sangat tapi dia still makan nasi ayam tu banyak jugak lah.

Lepas makan i lap badan dia dgn wet towel...then check temperature makin naik ke 38.5.

7.30 i mandikan dia. Then check lagi ..makin naik to 39.1.

Ok i start dah makin2 risau.

Masa ambik my maid from the laundry shop Sarah makin senyap je duduk kat sebelah tu.

I dah tak sedap hati la straight to SDMC lah kami anak beranak minus cekpen yg at that moment tengah Tahlil kat Tampin.
No choice i have to tinggalkan Sarah dengan maid sekejap lepas admission sbb i nak hantar mina and darwish balik.
At 2.30 am....time orang tgh syiok tido, i dok angkut barang masuk wad, swap place dgn my maid.
So here i am SDMC again.....praying hard that all the blood test result to be on our side and i can merayu to doctor to discharge Sarah soonest possible.
Tinggal 5 hari je from the 3rd kimo. I want Sarah to be at home...sbb kat hospital confirm dia tak makan, tak minum to get stronger like that???