Al-Fatihah to Wan

My m.i.l aka Wan, Hjh Zainun bt Abdullah passed away early morning on 27 Feb 2011. Our life will be different without Wan but we hope time will heal our sadness.

Semoga Wan ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yg beriman. Al-Fatihah.

Mommyct sila bertenang...

In point:

1) Struggling with Sarah.

2) My mom kena chicken pox jugak...she's 74! Jangkit from mina for sure. Already quarantine in Klang, at my sister house, duhhh..pity her sangat2 .

3) My mother in law admitted due to food poisoning. She's emmm ok i forgot her age but she's older than my mom and really fragile.

4) I donno if i have taken any chicken pox jab or not...cannot remember. But I memang tak penah kena lagi...mintak dijauhkan...not now please, Ya Allah tolonglah hambamu ini.

5) Some issues at the shop.

Maybe i need to count all the blessing that i have so that my mind will not focus on the 5 items listed above.

Air

Sarah need to drink plenty of water. Tapi nak suruh dia minum air pun dah macam nak suruh dia minum ubat. Not easy ...

Hari ni start joting down any fluid intake. Sukat semua. Total as of 11pm ni about 335ml. Tu termasuklah susu, vitagen, air, teh o, xp-180. Semalam dengan hari ni mmg kurang sangat minum.

Semalam pagi muntah banyak so itu yg buat dia takut...i think. Kat hospital ada drip so takpelah kan kurang minum , tapi kat rumah kena minum sendiri..alahai. Semalam makan 2 kali..lunch n dinner. Hari ni lunch taknak makan, nasib baik dinner makan banyak lah jugak.

Doktor ada bekalkan ubat Bacterim utk elakkan sebarang jangkitan paru-paru yg selalunya terkena pada yg menjalani rawatan kemoterapi ni. Twice a week, two times per day. Sampai hari ni i belum start bagi lagi. Semalam i dah prepare, but before bagi kat sarah i rasa dulu. Rasanya adalah sangat teruk! Cekpen pun rasa....geleng kepala je dia.

Cuba bayangkan air kosong pun sikit punya susah nak minum , inikan benda pahit payau. Dah le rupa sarah sangat kesian sekarang ni, botak, kurus, cengkung, layu....macam tengok dak afrika tak cukup makan kena hurung lalat tu...pastu nak paksa dia makan ubat??!!

Bila nak minum XP tu smlm dia lari kejar bibik...masa tu tuhan je yg tau macam mana aku rasa. Dia lari dgn keadaan yg macam nak tumbang tu...mmg rasa nak pitam ...tak sanggup..tak sanggup tengok sarah yg dulu ceria cergas sihat tapi macam sekelip mata je jadi macam ni.

Sabarku dah terbang ke lautttt...

Kes 1:

Appointment darwish @sunway medical center on 11 feb 2011. Biasanya darwish sampai rumah before 12.30 every friday. Apointment dgn doktor morning session akan tamat pukul 1 petang.

Biasanya aku sempat sampai kat hospital sebelum pukul 1, utk register dan terus jumpa doktor. Aku kata biasa sebab dah banyak kali dah follow up kes telinga darwish.

Tapi tah macam mana hari tu 11feb 2011, pukul 12.30 darwish tak sampai lagi. Aku dah siapkan baju dia, bawak sarah masuk dalam kereta (takleh tinggal kat rumah ngan maktok, dia taknak le). Call driver van berkali-kali, cakap on the way tapi tak sesampai.

Pukul 12.40 aku dah start kereta tunggu luar pagar. Sambil tu call n bgtau driver tu aku nak cepat dah lewat for appointment.

Pukul 12.50...tak nampak bayang van. Call, boss driver tu cakap dah kat hiway, lambat sebab ada budak lewat...arrghhhhhhhh! Ko macam takde hari lain nak terhegeh-hegeh balik sekolah kan.

Kalau aku boleh bawak sarah bersesak kat pondok menunggu kat sekolah tu , memang aku dah angkut dah. Tapi nanti risiko segala mak nenek virus kuman haper semua tu berjangkit sapa nak tanggung???!! Darwish tu bukannya reti ko suh dia pergi cari kereta, kang tah mana2 pulak dia merayau. Kereta pulak bukan sebijik dua depan sekolah tu....arghhhhh!!!

Dari 12.50 sampai 12.55 tu aku dah menangis menjerit-jerit dalam kereta macam orang gila sebab stress gilaaaa.....gila hokey...aku rasa marah teramat dan mmg rasa nak amuk jek. Sarah tengok aku pelik jek dalam kereta tu. Aku hempas2 hantuk kepala kat stereng tu...sakit! Tapi sakit hati lagi kuat.

Kalau aku lewat sampai doktor dah blah, tak ke lagi haru...nak kena set appointment lain tu nak kena tunggu sarah strong balik..tah bila2 pulak kan...it is sooo unpredictable!

Awish sampai pukul 12.57...aku ada 3 minit je nak pecut dan register..ko sakit hati tak???

Nasib lah doctor ada patient 3 orang tak setel lagi masa aku sampai...aku sampai kul 1.10. Tapi hati sudah bengkak ok....bengkakkkkkkk!!!

Kes 2:

Sedang melalui. Sarahnya kemo Ifosfamide and Mesna sepatutnya start pukul 9pagi. Pukul 9.30 aku follow up derang kata ubat lum hantar ke wad.

Pukul 10 doctor dah wat round ubat lum start. So kejap lagi katanya.

Pukul 11 aku follow up, conciarge takde nak hantor ubat ke wad...siut!

Pukul 11.45, aku nampak ubat dah kat kaunter wad.

Pukul 12, aku tanya, nurse cakap nak start dah ni.

Pukul 12.15, aku follow up lagi, aluminium foil nak balut botol n line ubat takde... tak macam (&&^&^%^%^%$##@#%^&* ke ko rasa???!!!!

Sabar????!!! Berapa banyak sabar??!!!!

Aku memang dah hangin ni kalau korang nak tau...stresss hokay stresss..

stress kenapa??? seribu satu macam dalam kepala aku ni.

-rumah sepah

-2 lagi anak aku kat umah tu...haih tak tau lah..homework..sekolah...etc

-kedai aku tak tau apa jadi

-sarah aku tak tau balik ni macam mana ...risiko blood poisoning etc...pening ok pening!

-cekpen pun stress ngan keje ngan uruskan semua hal umah

-part time maid cam hampeh ...buat aku sakit hati je bila cekpen komplen macam2.

-next kemo 7/3...5 hari..start hari isnin pulak tu...ok ini lagi pening nak setelkan awish n mina..well actually leh hantar daycare....but baliknya tu cekpen yg kena ambik....dia mcm agak...err tak gemar that arrangement....suh aku tutup kedai...ok tutup kedai mmg senang..tutup je lah..then bibik leh balik rumah setelkan hal rumah...tapi kesan ko tutup kedai ni?? arrghhhhhh!!!!

Aku taknak tulis benda2 bitter camni..tapi aku dah penat simpan ok..penat sabar...penat ..penat ..penat...penat nak keep on bertenang doploh pat jam.....penat sbb aku nak semua perfect tapi tak dapat..aku penat...aku balik ni konpem umah aku tunggang langgang..penat..

Balik ni aku konpem perang ngan semut..ye semut....aku rasa bawah rumah aku ada sarang semut raksaksa yg nak invade rumah aku....hari-hari aku perang ngan semut....kejap2 aku spray..kejap je lepas vakum derang buat rumah baru kat celah tiles. Ada 4 jenis semut kat umah aku tu yg tolong menambahkan sakit hati aku ni.

Semut besar 1cm - jarang ada tapi bila malam dia datang jalan ramai2 dalam seploh ekor. Jalan macam survey2 amik angin gitu. Takde menggigit setakat ni..tapi annoying sungguh. Ko ingat umah aku taman bunga kah???

Semut halus - semut ni kadang attack air manis or cawan yg belum basuh. Pun tak banyak..kat dining table area or table top je , kat tempat aku letak jug teh or cawan yg bebudak pakai lum basuh. Not so annoying sebab halus..tak berapa nampak.

Semut hitam jalan laju2 - suka air manis dan lauk pauk yg aku hidang kat atas meja. Dia pun nak makan sama. Aku tak jamah lagi derang belasah dulu. Annoying sebab kalau anak aku tumpah sirap ke, air or makanan kat lantai ....kejap je derang dah sampai dulu...tak menyempat. Kuantiti lak banyak. Annoying tapi ok lagi sebab ni bangsa tak menggigit..ko halau dia lari...ko spray dia mati terus.

Semut merah coklat ada sesungut - SUPER ANNOYING GILA! Dia boleh membantutkan pertumbuhan daun pokok limau purut (ke limau nipis yg bentuk 8 tu??) Habis mengkerekot daun2 terencat terus kalau dia duk kat pokok tu. Lagi annoying dia memang suka duduk kat wet kitchen, taksah kalau dlm seminit ko tak nampak kelibat dia kat dapur, kat sinki, kat tingkap, kat tong sampah, kat sebelah jug air, kat jug air, kat semua tempat lah wet kitchen aku tuh. Adaaaaa je manjang. Yg ni memang aku nampak je aku destroy..kalau sekali nampak banyak aku spray, kalau sekor dua aku capai je apa yg ada kat daput tu aku gilis...rangup je bunyik kena gilis..hah padan muka ko semut....ko memang menyakitkan hati aku nih...ko buat aku jadi saiko..saiko ok!

Dah tu...bukan kat dapur je semut merah coklat ni....satu rumah aku dia ada. Kat hall, carpet, porch...toilet..semua tempat ada!!! Dalam sehari aku tak tau lah baper kali aku berperang ngan semut2 ni...aku cuma stop membunuh bila ada orang lain je kat umah aku ni (guest). Bila takde orang, asal nampak je aku terus jadi pembunuh semut yg kejam..nasiblah.

Aku rasa rumah aku takde lah kotor, serius umah aku tu bersih je walapon tak gorjes mana, aku heran betul lah kenapa banyak semut..kenapa???

Ok bebalik pasal ubat tadi...akhirnya pukul 12.30 baru start pasang ubat kemo tu. Ifos 4 jam so lebih kurang 4.30baru siap. Mesna 8 jam, lebih kurang pukul 8.30 malam baru siap...apa pun malam ni jugak kena balik. Esok awish sekolah. Mina aku bg dia mc lagi lah...tak larat aku nak setelkan semua esok.

Life goes on........sabar ye sabar...ok ..sabar ni...adalah hikmah di sebalik semua ni. Alhamdullilah dalam pada hilang sabar bbrp kali ni aku belum terbabas lagi. Especially mulut aku..masih boleh di kawal walopon hari ni jari aku menaip tanpa kawalan...takpelah...ampunkan diri sendiri...

hmmm...mulut puaka

See..dah 4 hari aku ni kena duduk spital. Tahap kesabaran tu harap maklum le, memang kalau boleh janganlah dijentik...sbb silap haribulan rasa nak terjun ni (nasib la kalo 2 tingkat je pun).

Nak dijadikan cerita, aku naikkan notis utk sublet half of the laundry shop sbb yg current tenant tu nak pindah. So ramai le yg telefon, and yg mula2 telefon tu confirm nak sewa. Tapi aku still amik nama n keep no tepon orang2 yg call selepas tu, as back-up, kalau2 that lady tu tetiba cancel.

Tadi ni hah ada lah sorang mamat telefon n tanya sewa berapa. Aku pun cakap la sekian-sekian. Dia tanya sewa satu kedai brapa. Aku pun jawab jugak. Lepas tu dia byk cerita bgtau aku kedai yg depan sana lagi murah. Aku jawab, mana ada murah, sana kan ke sewa dah above 2k.

Boleh pulak dia jawab balik, "sana mmglah rega camtu sbb sana ramai....kat sini mana ada orang ....HANTU RAYA JE BANYAK..."

Dalam hati aku "apa ke cilaka sangat mulut kau macam puaka bapak segala hantu raya"...dalam hati je lah.

Lepas tu aku malas nak cakap apa, aku terus "oklah"..dgn nada aku tak hingin nak bg sewa kat orang mulut puaka mcm kau.

Nasib baik dia paham lenggok bahasa aku yg nak muntah tu, dia cakap kalau dia jadi nak sewa nanti dia call...

hmmm...iyo lah tu.

Walaupun kedai aku baru idup setaun, tapi alhamdullillah kedai aku tu hidup lagi tanpa bantuan dari poket aku sangat.

In fact ujung tahun lepas aku dah survey kedai lain, sbb ingat nak expand by buying over esixting laundry, aku cari yg location "ramai orang" bukan "banyak hantu raya", tapi keadaan kedai2 tu sungguh menyedihkan. Dah macam lalat pun tak nak masuk kedai..paham dak? Ngeri aku pikirkan kos2 yg nak ditanggung, dan dah semestinya harga yg derang tawarkan tu langsung tak padan dgn sales derang. Kat Bandar Kinrara ni pun ada satu baru bukak, nampak canggih, cantik....tapi dah lama aku tengok pintu kedai tu tutup je.

See....kadang2 bukan semestinya tempat tu ramai orang, semua orang2 tu akan masuk kedai kita. Kadang tempat yg ko kata banyak hantu raya tu lah yg lebih terjamin pendapatannya.

Check-in

Semalam pagi Doktor Lin, insist Sarah datang jugak ke chemo day care walaupun nurse dah 3 kali call kitorang earlier, that the appointment postponed to 17-2 sebab bilik day care dah penuh.

Petang sikit dapatlah masuk wad, and kemo start lebih kurang pukul 6 petang semalam. So far so good. Sarah still in good mood..tapi turn to bad mood bila nurse masuk nak check dia.

No vomitting, minum susu still ok tapi hari ni taknak makan. Pukul 4 petang tadi makan ikan sikit, nasi taknak. Mungkin nak nasi goreng kedai kat luar tu kot, pedas baru dia selera.

The good news alpha-feto-protein reading dah drop from 328,000 to 28,000. Hopefully lepas kemo yg ni AFP turun ke normal level 8....aminnnnn.

Ingatkan kali ni overnite 3,4 hari je...tp tadi doctor cakap until Monday. Tak cukup lauk le kat rumah tu. I buat lauk sampai sabtu tengahhari je...huhuhu...dah le selasa tak sempat gi pasar tani sebab hujan lebat ...stok lauk basah tak sempat top-up kat freezer tu.

Hmmm.....temp maid sampai sabtu je ada...hmmm...hmmmm...

Another 6 days and my To do List

Sarah ada 6 hari lagi before another admission at SDMC for her second chemotherapy session.

Sarah to do list:

1) Makan dan minum susu banyak-banyak.

2) Habiskan XP-180. Kandungan 1 botol lebih kurang 65ml. Semalam berjaya habiskan 50 ml. Alhamdullillah. 5 more bottle to go.

3) Habiskan about 30ml of Transfer Factor juice daily. Dan jugak 1 kapsul Transfer Factor daily. Kapsul takde masalah sebab campur dalam susu. Juice tu kena bagi about 5 ml each time until completed. If interval setengah jam sekali , 3 jam le baru siap.

4) Minum air yg Uztaz Lokman Shifa' Al Hidayah bacakan doa. So far ini takde masalah sebab campur dalam susu. 2 x sehari, pagi dan malam.

Mama to do list:

1) To ensure Sarah to do list done everyday. Follow schedule for XP-180 and Transfer Factor intake. Setengah jam sekali tu, kalau tak mmg tak habis. Tak boleh nak bagi lebih each feed sbb takut dia muntahkan semua sia-sia je.

2) To bring Darwish for his ear grommet check-up tomorrow 11/2/2011. Sepatutnya in January tapi mama asik lupa aje, then Sarah case came up, tertunda lagi. So better settle before 16/2/2011.

3) To find Taska for Darwish daytime transit. No one at home so Darwish has to go somewhere so that he can have his lunch and get ready for KAFA.

4) Kat mana nak letak Mina??? Stay longer at Mak chek house? Cekpen kena ke Bangkok on 14 and 15 Feb so sapa nak jenguk Mina 2 hari tu...sian anak mama. Nak balik rumah awal takut still ada spora-spora chicken pox tu, fenin makcik weh!

5) Keep on praying for Sarah dan jugak amalkan doa yg Ustaz dah ajar.

Cast Away

Last night I noticed Mina getting flu. srot srottt...making sound before she went to bed. So I told her that today after school she need to see a doctor. I don't want the virus spreads around the house and somehow get their way to Sarah. NO, I will try to prevent this.

Then when she wakes up, Mina complained she has a headache. Thinking that it may be due to her block nose, i still asked her to go to school.

Later in the afternoon, while i was cooking, she came back from school. She start mumbling something that i cannot hear properly as my cooker hood fan is on and making loud noise. She came to me with her vanity princess mirror, and shows me her itchy neck.

I bent down to have a better look and to my horror the itchy-bitsy-spider red thingy spot has a bubble!

OH MAI GOD!!! I AM SOOOO FREAKING PANIC!!!!!

READ ME.....

IT'S CHICKEN POX UOLSSSS!!!

Check all over her body, huh...all the red spot started to come out. Ya Allah....that's all I can say.

I called cekpen immediately.

Then quickly changed her, cleaned her nail color, cut her nails, asked her to wear face mask and quarantine her in her bedroom. She had a special room service for her lunch too. Lunch while watching 'Barbie err...something Rainbow' movie in a private room...macam hotel!

Sarah knew something is not right, she willing to climb up the stairs but did not enter Mina's room. She went to Darwish room and cried there. So Mina luxurious lunch has to be cut short.

Cekpen arrived around 2pm. He bring Mina to the panel clinic with a bag full of Mina's cloth. She has to stay somewhere else...and its gonna be a loooooonngggg break from school and home. Sooo kesian anak mama yg sorang ni.

Until now still pening how she can cope without us at mak chek house. How long can we leave her there? 2 weeks is too long but thats is the safest time frame to get her germs free when she come back home.

Adoyaiiii.....can somebody sent her to Disneyland? Sure that 2 weeks is very fast over there.

Alhamdullillah

Dah boleh adjust sikit-sikit to our new lifestyle. Oh jangan salah sangka plak, bukan lifestyle apa, lifestyle yg memerlukan i jaga Sarah and juggle other things in life.

Penat?...ya memang penat. But life goes on. Dengan mood swing yg kalah mak buyung, sangat mencabar kesabaran jugak lah. Tapi i know that kalau dia tak sakit dia tak akan suka2 get soo cranky aaaallllll the time. So I just ikutkan aje kehendaknya.

She's soo skinny , dah macam anak orang afrika plak sekali pandang cuma kulit cokelat, tak gelap hehe. Rambut still intact. Since CNY she has been eating quite well. Milk intake pun dah increase to almost 20oz daily, Alhamdullilah.

I akan buat dressing on her stiches twice/week dan flushing her chemo pot once a week. And today is flushing day...so she gonna scream her lung out lah for sure.

Tomorrow another worker will come to work at my laundry shop, hopefully she's responsible and have the right attitude so that i can get my maid to come back at home whenever Sarah has to undergo her chemotherapy at SDMC.

My worries is the shop monthly collection. Will it be able to pay for one more additional staff? Even though the trend for the past 4 month is quite good but i do afraid if its goes down. If the increment keep on going up, then insyallah it will be able to sustain all operation cost inclusive 2 staff salary.....well I leave that to the rezeki Allah have for me. Can't do much now so i 'll pray for the best.